Just got a call from J. They want to deploy him Jan25. IF we got in Group #1 of WH (they start groups of 13 people each week of January to keep the patient-load tolerable), we could still do IVF in Jan08. Last time we were Group #2. I don't know if I can request it. There is language in the IVF contract about not being on IVF list if your spouse is deployed, but I don't know about deploying. I feel stuck - because if I ASK for Group #1, maybe I'd get it, maybe not. If not, I'd have to move to April and even then, if they knew J was deploying, wouldn't it throw me off the list? I need to read the contract again, and ask people at the online military IVF community.
BUT... A pilot friend of his is going on Dec 27th. J has a chance to go with him. He would like to go with a buddy (they'd be on the same missions/plane together). I, of course, would rather him be WITH a friend this deployment than with someone he doesn't like or click with or whatever. To me his deployment being a good experience is more important than doing IVF ASAP.
Also, if we tried to cram IVF in January, it could very well mean a potential pregnancy with a potential miscarriage without him. Yes, that assumes TWO events that might both not happen. But I have to think. How would I feel if a miscarriage were to happen without him? How would he feel? Would that really be good for his morale there? He needs to be able to concentrate on his work as much as possible - when other guys lives are at stake.
So, I told him I didn't want to decide on the phone. We'll have today to talk about it. And pray, too. Somehow I already feel like we're going to wait until April08. I am disappointed, but it's nicer to know it's our choice rather than someone else's.
Also, as Andrea asked, we can freeze sperm from J if I wanted to do IUIs while he's away. But WH will not allow IVF with frozen sperm. Some odd rule, because other military clinics do. I don't know if we'd do that or not. I kinda think it'd be a great time for IUIs. Yet, I don't know how much it'll cost or even WHERE they accept/freeze that stuff. Anyone??? It would be awesome if we lived in Florida, because a clinic w/2-3 locations in Florida offer FREE sperm freezing/storage for men stationed at the military bases there. Isn't that great? Too bad we're in GA.
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5 comments:
GEEEZ- that's alot all at once! Do you have to decide today, or is it just the-sooner-the-better for asking for group #1? Looks like you are thinking through all the sides of every option, which is good. I'm sorry he might have to leave sooner than you expected if he goes with his buddy. I'm sure every time he leaves it's hard. I will pray hard for you that you two come to the best decision for you both.
I say ask for group 1!! The more chances the better. Not having him around will be rough on you afterwards, but you just have to find someone to lean on for support.
Go Group 1!!
:)
Oh, my. I hope that everything works out for the best for you (and you have a promise that it will all work for your good!). If you have to wait until April, you might enjoy the break; I've been surprised at how much we've benefited from ours.
Those are some difficult scheduling decisions to make. I wish you the best and hope that you make a decision that the two of you are comfortable with. Speaking from my own experience, I would hate to not have my husband around when going through potentially emotionally difficult situations. But I can't even imagine how you get through deployments, so I suspect you have a lot more strength there than I do.
Whew, what a loop of thoughts to be in. I hope that you all are able to make a decision that is best for you both--I cant imagine adding deployment to the list of things to consider--you are a BRAVE couple!
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