Tuesday, July 17, 2007

No Update Because Nothing Happening!

Well this is my last month to conceive naturally before IVF #1! :) I know that sounds crazy, but that's how I look at it. I don't expect it, but it's different being 4 DPO and knowing at least there's a chance. With BCP's next month it'll be different.

I keep wondering, since we're unexplained, if no eggs will fertilize. Have any of you Unexplained gals had these thoughts? I just wonder if there's something we don't know that'll become apparent with IVF. It bugs me that the SART only has data through 2005 for my clinic and it says out of 156 cycles they only had 2 with "Unknown" diagnosis. That sounds irrational! And of those 2, 1 got pregnant (with twins I add) and 1 didn't. They both put back 2. Interesting. Their overall success rate is 58.3% per cycle. But I think with unexplained I'm an even 50/50 chance. You just don't know! Anyway, not that these numbers change anything, but c'mon, I have to have something to obsess about! :) (Seriously, I've only looked at them a few times every few months.)

In front of me at end of July I have Day 3 labs, I start BCP's 5 days after my new cycle, and I have a Baseline Appt Aug 30. I went ahead and used FF miles to get a ticket that leaves Wednesday the 29th and returns home Thursday afternoon Aug 30th. I know what morning appts are like (over by 9 at the LATEST). They said there's no injection class or anything that day, so catching my plane should be a breeze. Even if I missed it I'd just stand by for others.

I am surprised once I made the decision to be open about IVF how easy it is to talk about and how I rarely receive criticism or unsolicited advice. I think maybe because I'm asked a few questions and perahps I rattle them so much with my medical terminology they're temporarily too stunned to say "How about adoption?" Plus, I do tell them if this IVF cycle fails, even if we have extra frozen embryos, we're going to go ahead with pursuing adoption. Both J and I think this is right.

We finally decided what to do with our frozen embryos if we both die. Our friends in SA who've gone through IVF and have embryos of their own - they get responsibility for them. We're leaving a document with set instructions (no discarding ever, $$$ set aside for 10 years of preserving embryos, instructions as to who to try to give them to & if no one wants them the embryo adoption agency we want). Obviously I don't want this to happen, but we have to be good stewards and provide for their future as we would any live children we had.

Here's where I wonder if you guys think this odd. We agree to give these embryos life, and if J dies, we want me to still try to have the rest of the embryos (or if unreasonable, put them up for embryo adoption I guess). Is that odd? I never want to BE in that situation. Explaining that would be so hard. Ah the decisions ART has you face!!!

Monday, July 2, 2007

Baseline Date!

Whoo-hoo! I got my baseline appointment date: August 30th! I start BCP's around the first of August, and last pill will be the 26th! I was afraid of having to take them for 2 months, but here it looks like 3-4 weeks! That makes me glad.

I'll fly out the 29th, early, for my peace of mind! Then I go in on the 30th at 6:30 for labs and an ultrasound. I've never had cysts that didn't leave the next cycle in my life, and with 2 months off meds, I could not imagine a problem (knock on wood!). I plan on flying out that afternoon back to GA. This means I get to spend Labor Day with my husband! Another thing to be grateful for. They can't tell me when I'll be back that next week, but I'm assuming Thursday/Friday. I'm glad I've done enough IUI's to predict somewhat how often I'm asked to come in.

I can't say how much this IVF has been a saving grace for my emotions. We are finally doing something agressive! It doesn't guarantee even a pregnancy, but we're trying! You see, when my cycle started this past Saturday, I wasn't upset and I didn't cry. Because it's just one more cycle closer to IVF. When I got home and checked a friend's blog (the friend who sent the sweet email on mother's day), I found out she's 9 weeks pregnant. I visited her last week in person and she said they were going to wait until late summer to try for #2. She had no idea (I totally don't relate to that)! When she'd told me that, I'd been thinking, "Good, maybe she'll only get pregnant a few weeks before my IVF and I won't find out until after mine is over and maybe we could be pregnant together. At least I don't have to find out before!" Ha! I was sincerely glad for her, and called her almost immediately. She was sweet. But late that night in bed, when I told my husband, the tears fell hard and fast. I don't know what it's like to be "surprised" by a pregnancy, and I certainly don't have the joy of producing a baby out of just the union of our love. And that pierces me deep down. As grateful as I am for IVF, I do mourn the loss of a dream.

But today, I made myself a pot of tea, went and got Day 3 labs drawn, and my annual gyn visit is this afternoon. That's the last thing to be done on our IVF checklist. Our check is sent & cashed, and now the waiting starts! Hooray. And in 2 days, I get to visit my family for July 4th and love on my 3rd old and 1 yr old nieces who I just adore!!!!