Monday, July 28, 2008
My husband and I, we love outdoor adventure. We love to boat, hike, camp, SCUBA dive, fish, hunt, and so on. We love out-of-the-way places. For instance, we honeymooned on a small island(2000 acre) in the north-west coast of Scotland. Automobiles weren't even allowed on the island. We were in a secluded cottage and spend hours exploring and hiking the island, rowing to the ruinous castle nearby (and breaking in) out in the wild just loving the beauty of nature there. We also spend our one-year anniversary scratching the itch for a beach-vacation. But where did we choose? Why, the little island of Grenada of course! Very little tourism there (by Americans, more by Eurpean, though still not a lot), but an island with some beautifuly secluded beaches and a gorgeous and small "nature center" we stayed at (more like a resort, but you were left to do as you pleased and it only had about 12 rooms, so very intimate). Our idea of a great vacation always involves doing things that are a bit rustic or uncommon - possibly involving hiking through places others wouldn't venture, just for that "perfect" sunset view or to explore some intriguing spot.
So, this weekend we were to go to Savannah, just for Friday/Saturday. We were meeting up with J's brothers so they could deep-sea fish all Saturday while I enjoyed the beach and a good book! (I love to fish with him, but as our last trip I was over the side throwing-up the entire time, and cut short the fishing part by a few hours, it was deemed best by all that I not accompany them.) :) Ah, but guess where we stayed Friday night? Camping, primitave camping, in the Georgia heat (so like, 90 degrees and 80% humidity at night!). Just tents, sleeping bags, and a spiket of water not too far. It actually was pretty fun. Not comfortable, but fun nonetheless. As we lay in our tents that night, I couldn't keep myself from laughing out loud for a while, because the uncomfortable-ness of the situation. Who camps in that heat??? (Oh yeah, those wanting to spend only $6 on lodging at the beach, right!) And believe me, by the next morning, Starbucks Iced Chai in hand, as I sat on the beach at 8:30 with my book, I pretty much felt, "This is the Life!" Nevermind the 10+ mosquito bites I'd gotten breaking down camp that morning. It was well worth it!
So that, my friends, was my weekend. Pretty glorious. Now just a week until we go to a real vacation-house in Florida for 8 days on our pre-deployment get-away. Hard to look forward to, because it's the Beginning of the End. But I won't let that spoil the time, we will savor every minute.
Monday, July 14, 2008
I have somehow managed to make it into my 2nd trimester.
It is so hard to believe I am here. 10 weeks to viability. I made it past the scary and miscarriage-laden first trimester. I did not expect that, I hardly dared hope. I just prayed every single day. I fearfully stopped at every pain to wonder if it was a cramp or just a regular, expected pain. I still check for blood, but I find that it's not every single time I use the bathroom (that would be, once an hour now, which would be tedious at best).
And making it to the 2nd trimester has been such a boost to my heart. I am very attached to this beautiful child inside me. Every single day when I get my doppler out (I miss about one day a week), I am so in wonder at finding that heart beating away. I know I have nothing to do with that. I didn't cause our first child's miscarriage, and neither am I the one keeping this child alive. It's out of my hands. It's something I don't earn the right to, it just happens. And that leaves me grateful for every single day. I call it grace, because that by definition is unmerited.
I haven't had a lot to say. Well, I guess I have, but like every other blogger with a BFP, I just don't want to use this as a place to drone on and on about symptoms or to gush about how happy this makes us. While that's fair I can do that, I don't think this is the place. I know I appreciated reading others' stories as they went on with their BFPs but we all know it's painful too. I wish I had something else to write about. :/
I did have my 13 week NT test. I showed up for the appointment 10 minutes early, only to be called to the desk 20 minutes later as the receptionist asked for my insurance referral. My ob's office (who sends you to a perinatologists office for this test) had totally dropped the ball! And if you undertsand military insurance, they like to take days to get a referral through. I insisted I was in the office for my appointment now, leaving for out of town for 5 days, and when I returned I'd be 14 weeks and too late (all true). I felt bad for the military office since it was totally the ob's fault, but then again how hard is it to get someone to not procrastinate to do their job? So I got it all settled and had my appointment a few hours late. The peri's office was super nice about that. That, along with the triple-screen, set my odds for Trisomy 18 and 13 and Downs at 1:10,000. I'm happy to get that good news. I was almost not wanting to call, just not ready for any possible risk factor or bad news to have to deal with.
Nothing else of interest. I have a 16 week appointment and a 20 week one. The anatomy scan is at 20 weeks. Unfortunately, my husband deploys again right around 19 weeks (or a few days prior). He SO loved the 13 week ultrasound, I wish he could be there for the 20 week one (16wk is nothing but an appointment). We had seen the baby looking like a real child on the screen, hiccupping, sucking its shumb, wiggling all 5 fingers. It was so precious. I guess I can request a video, maybe? All that I can talk about at the 16 week. I hate thinking I'll find out the baby's gender without him... If I do, I want a clever and memorable way to tell him. I've already decided it won't be through email, has to be phone so I can hear his reaction live!
Anyway, he'll be gone through early November, 70 days once again. I feel like we just went through this. It breaks my heart to think of him gone again. He's really my best friend and we share so much of our lives together, I am just not ready! So with that sad note, I'll end this and go curl up in his lap for the evening.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
So when I got home, I decided to take my doppler out (which I've not used in a week) and see if I could hear the heartbeat, since I watched where the doc found it. Sure enough, within a minute, I'd found my own little one's heartbeat! It was glorious and astonishing to hear. I was so touched, I started crying. Not a happy, gentle cry. A cry like something was wrong. Though it wasn't; I just felt so emotional over knowing my baby was still alive and I could now actually hear its little heart beating away on my own. I guess it was the first time in private I could experience the emotions. It was so wonderful!
I tried again this morning, and got it almost instantly. I only intend on using it every few days if I can contain myself. :) It's just a great way to start the day, hearting that little one whose making me so sick!
My husband continues to serve me every single day. Makes breakfast if he can, makes dinner. Tries to think of enticing options to eat if we're out. He's amazing, because he never complains, and serves so wonderfully. I hope to be rid of the nausea soon, though, and get back to making my own meals. Until then, I think we've used the grill every single night so I don't have to smell foods in the house! My big aversions are chicken and seafood (gross)! I prefer cold food to hot, always, since there are less smells on cold food.
I'm getting the nuchal translucency test within the next 2 weeks, and not seeing the midwife until 16 weeks. They said I was off their typical schedule (8, 12, 16 wk), so if I could wait 5 weeks to the next appt, they'd like it. But they said if I got to worry I could always come in for a quick scan. They never make it sound like a hassle on them, which I appreciate. I haven't had a reason to worry so far (just mental ones), but I'd go in a heratbeat if I had cramps or anything of the kind. Maybe it's good they're 30 minutes away, just so I don't abuse that. :) I should be able to handle the 5 weeks wait, b/c there's an ultrasound for the NT test, which then makes my wait only 3 weeks from that. Plus, I have my doppler now.
Now with all this happy news, I do want to say one thing. Nobody tells you that in pregnancy you can be miserable (physically) all the time. Seriously. It's either nausea, or pressure to go to the bathroom every other hour (without ever feeling fully relieved), or tremendous gas pains, or headaches, or you name it. Seriously, everyone talks about the "glow" and the good stuff. And it's totally worth it, but I wasn't prepared to just feel icky and be in pain so much of every day. This is my FWIW to all you ladies in your early weeks. But as I said, I'd never trade this for anything.