Monday, July 14, 2008

Into the 2nd Trimester (Me?)

This is such a huge, huge milestone to me.

I have somehow managed to make it into my 2nd trimester.

It is so hard to believe I am here. 10 weeks to viability. I made it past the scary and miscarriage-laden first trimester. I did not expect that, I hardly dared hope. I just prayed every single day. I fearfully stopped at every pain to wonder if it was a cramp or just a regular, expected pain. I still check for blood, but I find that it's not every single time I use the bathroom (that would be, once an hour now, which would be tedious at best).

And making it to the 2nd trimester has been such a boost to my heart. I am very attached to this beautiful child inside me. Every single day when I get my doppler out (I miss about one day a week), I am so in wonder at finding that heart beating away. I know I have nothing to do with that. I didn't cause our first child's miscarriage, and neither am I the one keeping this child alive. It's out of my hands. It's something I don't earn the right to, it just happens. And that leaves me grateful for every single day. I call it grace, because that by definition is unmerited.

I haven't had a lot to say. Well, I guess I have, but like every other blogger with a BFP, I just don't want to use this as a place to drone on and on about symptoms or to gush about how happy this makes us. While that's fair I can do that, I don't think this is the place. I know I appreciated reading others' stories as they went on with their BFPs but we all know it's painful too. I wish I had something else to write about. :/

I did have my 13 week NT test. I showed up for the appointment 10 minutes early, only to be called to the desk 20 minutes later as the receptionist asked for my insurance referral. My ob's office (who sends you to a perinatologists office for this test) had totally dropped the ball! And if you undertsand military insurance, they like to take days to get a referral through. I insisted I was in the office for my appointment now, leaving for out of town for 5 days, and when I returned I'd be 14 weeks and too late (all true). I felt bad for the military office since it was totally the ob's fault, but then again how hard is it to get someone to not procrastinate to do their job? So I got it all settled and had my appointment a few hours late. The peri's office was super nice about that. That, along with the triple-screen, set my odds for Trisomy 18 and 13 and Downs at 1:10,000. I'm happy to get that good news. I was almost not wanting to call, just not ready for any possible risk factor or bad news to have to deal with.

Nothing else of interest. I have a 16 week appointment and a 20 week one. The anatomy scan is at 20 weeks. Unfortunately, my husband deploys again right around 19 weeks (or a few days prior). He SO loved the 13 week ultrasound, I wish he could be there for the 20 week one (16wk is nothing but an appointment). We had seen the baby looking like a real child on the screen, hiccupping, sucking its shumb, wiggling all 5 fingers. It was so precious. I guess I can request a video, maybe? All that I can talk about at the 16 week. I hate thinking I'll find out the baby's gender without him... If I do, I want a clever and memorable way to tell him. I've already decided it won't be through email, has to be phone so I can hear his reaction live!

Anyway, he'll be gone through early November, 70 days once again. I feel like we just went through this. It breaks my heart to think of him gone again. He's really my best friend and we share so much of our lives together, I am just not ready! So with that sad note, I'll end this and go curl up in his lap for the evening.


Anonymous said...

when you find out the sex you should have them not tell you but write it down and put it in an envelope. Open the envelope when you are on the phone with him so you can find out at the same time.

Deborah said...

I like anonymous' idea.

I just wanted to tell you that I am truly grateful for the men (and women)that are serving this country. I can't imagine the sacrifices that he has to make, including missing some very important milestones in your pregnancy.

Anonymous said...

hey, from my perspective - i LOVE hearing the symptoms and all of the feelings and happiness you're going through. that's just me... even if its bittersweet at times, it still gives me hope that someday I might have that!

Heather said...

Congratulations on making it to the second trimester!!! Sorry to hear DH will miss the scan when you learn the gender. I also want you to know how grateful I am for all your husband does for our country.

Samantha said...

Congrats for being in the second trimester! I'm glad things are going so well, and hope your nausea symptoms have abated a bit. Enjoy your time with your husband now. I'm sorry he won't be there for your twenty week scan.

Rachel said...
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Katie said...

Isn't there ANY way they could move the scan up? We had ours at 18 weeks, which is a bit early, but we could see everything - including the boy bits!

Glad you are feeling more confident!

Natasha said...

So awesome to find another fellow pregnant blogger. Im not far behind you... 9 1/2 weeks right now. Really struggling with "all-day-long" sickness... like a bad hangover! Please feel free to vent about the "pangs of pregnancy" ... as it really helps me feel not so alone.

Congrats on making it to the 2nd trimester. I true accomplishment for sure. I go in for my second sonogram next Tuesday (had the first one at 7 weeks because i was on clomid and they wanted to see what was going on).

Hubby is coming with me... we cant wait!

Carrie said...

Congratulations on making it to the 2nd trimester. Pregnancy, especially such a long awaited one, is such a worrying time. I really hope you'll get to enjoy it a little more.

I am so sorry to hear your husband is having to go away again. That is awful, I'm not sure how I'd cope ay all. What a horrible situation to be in. I hope you have some other support around whilst he is gone.

Lastly I'd like to thank you again for your continued support. I really appreciate your support and comments, they are always so caring and help me a lot.

hopeful to hateful in 28 days said...

Congratulations!!! I know what a relief it is to get through the first trimester. Every day that goes by you will feel a little bit better.