Into the 2nd Trimester (Me?)

This is such a huge, huge milestone to me.

I have somehow managed to make it into my 2nd trimester.

It is so hard to believe I am here. 10 weeks to viability. I made it past the scary and miscarriage-laden first trimester. I did not expect that, I hardly dared hope. I just prayed every single day. I fearfully stopped at every pain to wonder if it was a cramp or just a regular, expected pain. I still check for blood, but I find that it's not every single time I use the bathroom (that would be, once an hour now, which would be tedious at best).

And making it to the 2nd trimester has been such a boost to my heart. I am very attached to this beautiful child inside me. Every single day when I get my doppler out (I miss about one day a week), I am so in wonder at finding that heart beating away. I know I have nothing to do with that. I didn't cause our first child's miscarriage, and neither am I the one keeping this child alive. It's out of my hands. It's something I don't earn the right to, it just happens. And that leaves me grateful for every single day. I call it grace, because that by definition is unmerited.

I haven't had a lot to say. Well, I guess I have, but like every other blogger with a BFP, I just don't want to use this as a place to drone on and on about symptoms or to gush about how happy this makes us. While that's fair I can do that, I don't think this is the place. I know I appreciated reading others' stories as they went on with their BFPs but we all know it's painful too. I wish I had something else to write about. :/

I did have my 13 week NT test. I showed up for the appointment 10 minutes early, only to be called to the desk 20 minutes later as the receptionist asked for my insurance referral. My ob's office (who sends you to a perinatologists office for this test) had totally dropped the ball! And if you undertsand military insurance, they like to take days to get a referral through. I insisted I was in the office for my appointment now, leaving for out of town for 5 days, and when I returned I'd be 14 weeks and too late (all true). I felt bad for the military office since it was totally the ob's fault, but then again how hard is it to get someone to not procrastinate to do their job? So I got it all settled and had my appointment a few hours late. The peri's office was super nice about that. That, along with the triple-screen, set my odds for Trisomy 18 and 13 and Downs at 1:10,000. I'm happy to get that good news. I was almost not wanting to call, just not ready for any possible risk factor or bad news to have to deal with.

Nothing else of interest. I have a 16 week appointment and a 20 week one. The anatomy scan is at 20 weeks. Unfortunately, my husband deploys again right around 19 weeks (or a few days prior). He SO loved the 13 week ultrasound, I wish he could be there for the 20 week one (16wk is nothing but an appointment). We had seen the baby looking like a real child on the screen, hiccupping, sucking its shumb, wiggling all 5 fingers. It was so precious. I guess I can request a video, maybe? All that I can talk about at the 16 week. I hate thinking I'll find out the baby's gender without him... If I do, I want a clever and memorable way to tell him. I've already decided it won't be through email, has to be phone so I can hear his reaction live!

Anyway, he'll be gone through early November, 70 days once again. I feel like we just went through this. It breaks my heart to think of him gone again. He's really my best friend and we share so much of our lives together, I am just not ready! So with that sad note, I'll end this and go curl up in his lap for the evening.