Tuesday, December 19, 2006

IUI #2 Failure

We're officially moved out of San Antonio. The move was.... a bit horendous. Only because it was scheduled on Thursday/Friday and we just learned that on Monday that week! So very little time to prepare. When our orders didn't come a week out, we assumed we couldn't move by the 15th, so we boght plane tickets back to NC that night. So those obviously couldn't get used, because the movers didn't leave our house until 8:15pm!!! We still tried to get to the airport, but the ticket counters were closed. So we got dinner and went to our friends' house. We bought tickets out for Saturday, but had to get separate airlines.... Boo. :( However, God was gracious we even got tickets! Mine we used Delta Skymiles to get. I'm glad we had them! R kindly got up early and bundled 10-month-old E into the carseat and took us to the airport! She had homemade coffeecake and hot chai/coffee for us, too. She really has become my best friend in San Antonio, even though I only just met her in August/September! Our weekly get-togethers were a real blessing. Her walk through infertility has been such a comfort to me.

And yes, IUI #2 was a big failure. I had one last appointment scheduled with Dr. J and we went over possible scenarios for future treatments. J and I have so much to think and pray and talk about.... So many decisions. None of them are inexpensive. Most likely I can go back in February/March for another IUI, but this time on injectible drugs (gonal-f) rather than clomid (increased pregnancy rates, better quality eggs/follicles). Of course, if I overstimulate (8 follicles for example) I could fly out there are be canceled.... So it takes it to an even higher-stake risk emotionally!

Even though he said they try to be fair as in making everyone wait a certain amount of time before going on the IVF list, because I'm moving he said I could get a special consideration and get on the list. Currently, at my position on the list, I'd be looking at cycling in April 2008, although there is a good likelihood of a few months sooner. Dr. J said, "I just can't see it being April 2008 and you not being pregnant! You're young and you respond well and we can't find anything wrong with you." I told him I couldn't see it either, but I didn't want to take the chance. I said I couldn't have seen it being December 2006 and me not pregnant, but here we are! He let me ask as many questions as I had and spent a lot of time making sure all our bases were covered. I'm so grateful he started working there, he is very good and compassionate!

This last week it's been excrutiatingly hard to kick the discouragement/depression, but I think yesterday I finally did.... for this month, anyway. J and I have had the hardest time reaching any sort of oneness emotionally. It's the most lonely/alienated situation I've been in my whole life.