Friday, September 21, 2007

IVF #1 - Freeze Report & Thoughts

Well, in this TWW time, I have been trying to spend quite moments pondering the many things I have to be grateful for in this ICF cycle. Yes, I had some disappointments, but I have things to be grateful for!!! We got to retrieval and had a good nubmer of eggs! No OHSS! We got to transfer with a good nubmer of embryos! And one precious little one made it to blastocyst stage and is now cryopreserved! I have much to be grateful for.

Honestly, after reading a lot of blogs I imagined IVF as this huge deal. I imagined it so emotionally and physically draining I'd only ever want to do it once or twice. But honestly? For me, it was like an IUI - with more appointments. Retrieval was a breeze (although putting on a gown and getting an IV made it seem like it wouldn't be). I will admit that up until Transfer, I was ready to say it was the same emotional investment as an IUI. BUT... Getting the report on our embryos (that we only had 8, that the best growing was only 6 cell, that they were all B grade but no A's), that was emotionally hard. I cried, because I did not anticipate anything other than a few prefect ones (silly, yes)! And then knowing of those 6 left, only 1 kept growing - a bit sad. So, yes, the emotional investment is bigger. But not unweighty.

This TWW has been amazingly easy. I bought a bunch of HPT's before IVF and planned on testing every day from transfer on (to watch the trigger go out). However, I didn't have them with me in San Antonio. When I got back, I tested as 3dp3dt and got a -. But until then? I didn't test until this morning (neg). I just haven't felt the need to know every second what's up. If I'm pregnant, I am. If I'm not, God is still good and this was just His plan. I don't think it serves me any to obsess about symptoms and what's a "line." Now I plan on testing probaly tomorrow, or Sunday, a few more times until my beta (Wednesday), so that I can be prepared and not have to have a doctor deliver me the news.

So, here's just a hello & that I'm alive. But I'd like to leave with this awesome quote from Polishing God's Monuments, a book I can't recommend enough. Love it!

"Christian common sense should also remind us that divine revelation is always a far more reliable barometer of reality than our personal perceptions. Don’t always be awash in how things seem; anchor your faith on how divine revelation days they are. With that adjustment, one can trust his goodness even when God may not seem to be good; one can trust he is acting in character even when he may not seem to be measuring up to his own revealed profile; one can trust his power even when is seems he is weak; one can trust his faithfulness even when it seems he is not being faithful.
Is that bind faith? No, not at all. It is humble faith. But doesn’t that seem like gullibility? No, it is patience – with a biblical memory.
That was Job. Did the faith of a poor tormented soul ever look as misplaced as his stubborn faith? He was frustrated out of his mind and bewildered to the bone, yes, but in the end unyielding, “Though he slay me, yet I will trust in him!” (Job 13:15). Then, finally- after forever it must have seemed – the Lord intervened and vindicated Job’s trust, restoring his fortunes greater than before. What a historical monument for any confused by the inscrutable ways of God.

"Patience with a biblical memory" - what a great way to say that! More later.

1 comment:

andrea_jennine said...

Great quote!

I'm glad the whole IVF process hasn't been as hard as you expected.