Wednesday, September 26, 2007

9/26 1st Beta

Sunday was a day that both J and I were really discouraged at this whole thing. I was counting on myself being a multiple IVF'er. Over a lovely brunch in Atlanta, we talked generally about ideas for future plans. WH only cycles 3/x a year, with the next being Jan & then April. Huge chance he'd be deployed in Jan, & if that's even a possibility they won't let you on the list. So it looked like further ART attempts would be a while out. But in the meantime, start adoption paperwork. We DO want to use our frozen embryo, but FET's are twice the cost of IVF and with just 1 frozen, we don't feel like it's really giving it a good shot. Anyway.....

However, after a discouraging day Sunday, Monday I saw the faintest of faint positives. I almost didn't believe it. Never seen that before! I was... optimistic, and scared. Tuesday, perhaps a little lighter line, but still a line. Pink, too, coming up within 10 minutes. Remaining there. I've seen an evap line in the past, but never this. I was actually eager to go to the beta blood draw, since I originally thought I'd be just "getting it over with."

This morning, faint positive, but darker than before. More clear. The Quantitative beta HCG (thank God I know the difference between qualitative and quantitative, b/c the doc almost messed that up) was a huge hassle that took 2 hours to complete. WH gave me an order for it, but the hospital said it didn't have a diagnosis on it. I drove to base and got a doc to put a diagnosis on it and sign it. Then the hospital said the doctor's signiature wasn't legibile enough & I needed to know his first name (which I didn't! Doctor/Major is all I knew!). Finally they made a call & got that.

So I waited, and 1:12 Dr. A called from WH. Told me (real straight faced) I had a positive beta, and to repeat Friday, and when they got the results he'd order a 6-8 wk ultrasound. "We'll see if this is viable" was his words. No congratulations. Did so much for my already nervous/cautious optimism. However, for now I am pregnant. I have gotten farther than ever before. So I'll take that for what it is and give thanks for That! Dr. A is such a crank anyway, I didn't want him to make the call. Maybe Dr. J will call me Friday, he's the nice one. Or Dr. N. (BTW, 13dp3dt beta= 56.4)

J is flying all day and fobidden me from telling anyone but my married sister. My EDD is 6/3/08, right between her girls' birthdays (6/6/04, 5/20/06).

With all my family drama I can't wait to give Mom & Dad the good news. They're leaving Friday-Sunday to bring my grandparents back from CO to live in a home near them. They're overwhelmed w/ their workloads and "damage control" so I feel it's sort of God's way of shining a little happiness and optimism into our lives.

I do not want to take one day for granted, and I don't want to write the end of God's story. He could take this baby (babies?) away from us now, but He still would have done something for us that He's previously withheld. So I want to be thankful and grateful, yet hold this with an open hand and heart.

Honestly, my thoughts are "I don't deserve this." I tear up thinking of all your ladies on here with multiple failed IVFs. With even one failed IVF. If I had not gotten a + beta, I know I'd struggle with feeling like "I don't deserve this, Lord." Either way, his sharp pruning or his gentle nurturing, it's not deserved, because it's not about me, it's about His character, which is the same yesterday, today, and forever. But for now, my heart aches for those hurting, still waiting, perahps a bit despondant. I KNOW THIS FEELING. I am crying now. How I wish we could all be joyful and through this together.

16 comments:

Fertilize Me said...

YAH FOR A + beta and pee sticks!!! grats to you!

Searching said...

WOOHOO!!! Today is a good day, so celebrate your little heart out! I'm soooo happy for you!!! Your tiny peanut-to-be will be in my prayers for the next 9 months!

Chris said...

Congratulations! I'm so very happy for you. Enjoy this special time.

Glenna Marshall said...

Oh my goodness!! I'm rejoicing for you!!! Praying all goes well!

JJ said...

Thats fantastic news!!! Cant wait to check back in for more greatness=)

Loren said...

THAT IS AWESOME NEWS!!! I am hoping so hard for you for a strong beta on Friday.
congrats and enjoy this moment. :) So wonderful.

Katie said...

THIS is the greatest moment of my day. I am so very happy for you! And you deserve every minute of it. Every. Single. Minute. I am crying with you, pure and simple tears of joy. I would have cried tears of sadness had the news been otherwise, but I'd so much be crying with happiness. Okay, now, Katie's orders: Feet up, Ben & Jerry's in hand (or whatever you advice), and take it easy, Pregnant Lady! Hugs, hugs, hugs!

Samantha said...

This is wonderful news! I hope Friday's beta will be a strong doubling time!

Thanks also for your comment on my blog. You certainly have had your share of scheduling problems! You probably have a higher threshold for pain than I do, but the valium for the transfer is supposed to help relax the muscles of the cervix, and just in general keep patients relaxed.

Good luck on Friday!

hopeful to hateful in 28 days said...

I'll keep you in my prayers!!!!

Elaine said...

Congratulations! And, you do deserve this. You've just given all of us another reason to hope and pray and know that God still answers prayers and performs miracles EVERY day!

andrea_jennine said...

Congratulations!!! I don't know much about beta numbers, but yours seems like a good, solid figure.

Thank you for your kind thoughts for those of us who are still waiting...

gracechild said...

without sounding creepy, i love you & i am happy for you & your empathy for others at a time like this is amazing. God who has brought you this far will not leave you to walk alone. you're blessed :)

Kim said...

Hugs, girly. I'm just so happy for you right now.

Sunny said...

WONDERFUL NEWS!!!

LJ said...

Hey there - thanks for visiting my blog! I've added you to my daily reads. I know it's scary right now, not knowing if you can celebrate or not, I've been there. But take today, knowing that right now, you are on your way and celebrate. We'll be here to catch you.

Gabby said...

YAY! Congrats! I am so excited for you! Your only a few days ahead of me. We can get hrough this together! :] Wishing you the best!