Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Ponderings

While in church last Sunday, I had thoughts about how being in need actually increases our spiritual awareness.

When we were singing "Blessed Be Your Name", I realized times of suffering, pain, and darkness keep our spiritual senses acute. I know when I have a glaring need in my life, I am much more purposeful about times in the Word and prayer with the Lord. I recognize and know my need much more readily. Trials in life remind us this in not our home, and they remind us we're put here for more than earthly pleasure. Clearly there is something Eternal more worthy than all this.

I Peter 1:6-9 tells us, "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

I sang: "Blessed be Your name, On the road marked with suffering, Though there's pain in the offering, Blessed be Your name. Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise, When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say, Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be Your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be Your glorious name."

I thought how singing this at times in church is easy, and other times it's hard. Sometimes a song like this takes faith to even say the words. How often in San Antonio as the church sang this I could barely choke it out, tears just pouring rapidly. So today, in what feels like the calm before the storm, I sing - knowing soon I'll be tested on calling Him blessed and praising perhaps in darkness. I hope I'm ready. I find myself thinking more and more about IVF next month, religiously checking the blogs of my current friends doing IVF to see whether theirs failed or succeeded - as if that had any bearing on us! I find myself unable to grasp how I'd feel if it were a complete failure. So I just pray for a ready heart.

8 comments:

Sunny said...

That song has spoken to me so many times. I would sing it and cry. Then my first Sunday being pregnant I cried because I was singing the other side of the song. Then I m/c and the road marked with suffering was sung with all my soul again. When I sing the song now I understand both sides. I hope you are on the other side of the song soon.

chicklet said...

IVF's such a tough thing to move to. It's exciting in that it has better odds, and it has worked for many, but horrible in that the odds arent that hot for the money you pay and it's not worked for lots. It's good being in the blogosphere, but bad too, cuz I now know more about it not working, which is hard. Hang in there. Hopefully it goes well.

andrea_jennine said...

I pray with you that this IVF works! And I can testify that the Lord will give you whatever grace you need, exactly when you need it. He won't grieve you any more than is necessary for his perfect plan.

Glenna Marshall said...

Thank you for your ENCOURAGING comment!!
About meditating on hymns--I have been doing just that lately! I have really found comfort in John Newton's hymn "Help My Unbelief" (made popular by Red Mountain Church). I plan on posting this hymn soon as it has helped me so much to focus on Christ and my need for His grace even in believing the most basic of truths.

I've read part of Piper's "Don't Waste Your Cancer"...how convicted I was because I realized that suffering is not just about me. It is about reflecting the glory of Christ during suffering. It's about blessing His name--when He gives AND when He takes away.
You're right in saying the ultimate goal is not pregnancy. I think the ultimate goal is the glory of God and my being conformed to the image of Christ.

Thank you for praying for us!! I certainly feel a kinship with you, as well. You are definitely in my prayers as you approach IVF.
May you be blessed today!!

-glenna-

Gabby said...

Wow...thank you! That is very encouraging! This is a great post. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide in the future... I will keep you in my prayers.

CAM said...

That was so nice. There is a sense of being out of control with all these treatments and it helps to have faith to keep you grounded. I wish you all the best. :)

Kim said...

Wow, this particular post really tugs at me right now. I just wrote about my struggle with where my faith fits in with my IF, and this post really makes me think. I appreciate your candor and will be praying for you.

Kim said...

Ack. I just responded in length to your comment and somehow lost it along the way. I will have to respond again when I have the chance. In the meantime, you're right - every ounce of what you said touches a nerve (in a good, introspective kind of way) and I genuinely appreciate you taking the time to remind me of the importance of remembering that it is when we feel the most alone that we aren't.