Wednesday, June 4, 2008

7wk Ultrasound & Remembering

Well... we went in today for the 7 week appointment. I was scared the baby might not be alive. Afterall, I'd had two cramps the evening before, and cramps send me into panic mode.

Ah, but no.... I caught the little "flashing" on the screen. Baby measuring 7weeks 0days (exactly what it should be). Heart rate 140. Wow. Could we be this fortunate?

After the ultrasound I had to have the regular ol' OB first timers visit. It was weird! Most of the conversation with the midwife was about the nuchal fold test & triple screen, delivery options, forming a birth plan, and how good I'd feel in the 2nd trimester. I kept sitting there, wanting to interrupt her, telling her this was too early to talk about this! That she should save her time! That I... might not get that far. I know, that's terrible. But I do not take even one day of this baby's life for granted that it'll go on. It was just out of place, unexpected. Even my husband agreed, although to him it was more of a reality, "wow, we might get a live baby." We assumed with pregnancy #1 = baby. This time, no such assumptions.

I have to wait 4 weeks to go in again. Then they'll try to hear the heartbeat with the doppler. If they don't get it, we'll do an ultrasound. She did tell me if I started to get too worried/paniced, they'd gladly have me come in earlier to do an ultrasound. It's reassuring I have her blessing on that. I hope I'm strong enough and have no good reason to use that.

And lastly.... because it was such an incredibly terribly busy day at work yesterday, and then afterwards dinner was such a hardship to fix w/o being sick, and then I just needed to lay down.... I actually forgot what day it was. June 3rd. My first baby's due date. I know if I were not pregnant right now, that wouldn't have happened. I would have cried and the day would have been so bitterly painful. Instead, I try to focus on the possibilities ahead of me, while remembering what we've been through to get here. I miss that child not being in our life right now, but I am grateful to have renewed hope beating away inside me.

10 comments:

waitinginline said...

Hooray for that beautiful heartbeat! I know what was just wonderful for you to see!!!

Don't let the "planning" freak you out too much. They can talk all they want to about the planning, but you don't actually have to do any of it, yet. (as soon as we saw the HBs my sis was asking what names we had picked out and when I was registering. huh?)

The sorrowful end of one chapter right as you begin another. This chapter is starting out really good!!!

JJ said...

Happy Heartbeat day! So, so happy for you! (are you tired of hearing me say that?!)

andrea_jennine said...

So glad to hear that baby's doing well.

Alex & Jill said...

Bless your heart...I can totally understand why you're scared. Praying you find some peace and are able to enjoy this pregnancy. I'm happy to hear that the baby is doing well!

Chris said...

Great news! I totally understand your hesitation and reluctance to get super excited. However, I hope you can find some peace and be excited for where you are right now.

Katie said...

I am glad that such a happy thing happened on what could have been just a sad day remembering your other little one.

Thinking of you. . .

Adriane said...

Yay for seeing the heartbeat!! That is just fabulous!

for sweetness said...

I am so happy for you!

I just found your blog because I am in the process of miscarrying my baby, and I can't tell you what a blessing reading your posts has been the past two days. I'm so sorry for everything you've been through, but hearing your struggles has helped me with mine. I grew up in a home-schooling family with nine children, my husband and I we went to contra dances (the highlight of the month!), etc. Similar backgounds and similar experiences...it helps a little...someone who would probably understand me if we talked rather than a mother-in-law who tries to diagnose my "problem" before even saying she's sorry *sigh*.

Anyway. I am thrilled for you, and I just can't wait until I'm in your shoes again.

Searching said...

Yay for a wonderful appt and beautiful heartbeat! :)

Kenya said...

Don't freak out about the planning and enjoy being pregnant week by week.