Thursday, May 8, 2008

*sheepishly* I'm the Worst Blogger Ever....

Really I am. You wanna know why? Because I went and had an entire IVF cycle and did not blog once. Seriously, how bad is that? It's as if I'm communicating that I don't need you all and care about you. I've been completely absent in commenting too. Let's see if I can explain.

Something about doing IVF this time around has me completely emotionally guarded. I have been rather subconsciously (and sometimes not so subconsciously) intentionally avoiding doing any more thinking, researching, and discussing this IVF and all it entails. It's as if I believe the less of a big deal I make of this, the less it might hurt if it doesn't work. Or if it works and I lose it again. And actually, I think I'm right. If I make IVF a big deal to me, emotionally and mentally, then if it doesn't produce a pregnancy, I might get really devastated. If I consider it more like I do an IUI (as much as possible) then if it doesn't work, I'll be more ready to dust myself off and try again. No, the expense and inconvienience and staying in Texas for 3 weeks isn't easy to minimize. But the rest of it can be.

Is this right? For me, for us, right now it is. I have to be able to try this again. I have no idea what it feels like for IVF to not work, and I need to know I won't have an emotional breakdown. Last time, I was not prepared for it to work. Now, since I don't know what that feels like, I have to steele myself.

So... Allow me to recap, for your reading pleasure. I'll try to be brief.

Baseline date: April 16th. Stimulation start date: April 18th. My protocol was changed, without explaination. But true to my let-it-happen attitude this time, I decided to not research it to death, or even bug the doctors. (Last time I started on 150 Follistim and 50 HCG daily, but after 4 days I had to change the Follistim to 125 from thereon out. I triggered 10 days into my meds, but with an E2 4944, I used only 5000 units.) (This time I was on 150 Follistim, 5 Lupron, and 75 Menopurm which never changed.) Without asking, near the end of my stimlation, a doctor mentioned to me that the meds "are working as planned, and your E2 is better." I inquired, and he explained they didn't like having to decrease dosages, and my E2 went too fast too high last time, and it looked like I was starting to peak at trigger last time. (This thrilled me to no end to have them confirm, because I KNEW from my BBT I had ovulated the morning of Retrieval.) This time my E2 peaked in the 3000's, I was on meds 11 days, took the entire HCG trigger, and most importantly, my temp didn't go up until day after Retrieval.

At Retrieval we got 18 eggs (17 last time). 2 were immature, same as last time (but apparently they try to fertilize those they said?). I spent 1 1/2 hours in recovery, b/c my blood pressure would not go up (last time, 30 minutes). I threw up water afterward, and couldn't eat until that evening (last time I had food immediately afterward). All in all, not too bad. I told the nurse last time I was alert but in no pain, so they keep my meds during Retrieval the same. I remembered it all, two docs did it, and that part was pretty quick.

Last time they only told us 8 fertilized. This was true, that only 8 fertilized with 2 nucleus, but we had a total of 12 fertilize (3 with 2 sperm, 2 unexplainably with 1 or 4 nucleus). I thought this made them unusable, but this time they told us they've had normal babies from those. They also said that they fertilize immature eggs, b/c sometimes they mature. So go figure. New facts. Anyway... This time we were told we had 14 embryos!!! We chose to do half ICSI (for better fertilization rates and/or fertilization w/o 2 sperm). Half the cost, and the doctor thought we had no real good reason to do ICSI except experimentally, so save us some money. Fair. So, 8/9 fertilized with ICSI, and 6/9 without. We think we made a good choice.

Our embryos at day 3 were also better than last time. Last time we were offered to Transfer 3, because of our low cell number. We had a 6B, three 5B's, and various lower ones. This time we had Two 7B's , a 5B, a multinucleated 5B, a 5C, and various 4's and 2's. We considered 3, but transferred the two 7's. Our idea, and the doc's, was to avoid triplets.

We ended up at Day 5, once again, with one going to blastocyst stage to be frozen. But I discovered Fertility Center of San Antonio totally sucks and steals you blind. Yes, people, tell me if this is normal: We have one embryo from September frozen with them. We now have one from May. We paid $750 in September. I expected to pay it agian this May, as they're freezing another one. However, I figured now we have two frozen with them, they'd be rolled together in terms of one yearly payment. Guess what? Oh no: Every May and Every September we have to pay $750 separately!!!! That makes me spitting mad, I feel totally taken advantage of, because I value life and our potential children's lives. Aggggg.

So there's my story. My blood test is late next week. Yes, I'm not advertising exact dates. I will not start POAS'ing until 9dp3dt since last time I got my positive 10dp3dt and do I know it'd be a waste before that most likely. No need to depress myself prematurely.

I'm eating SO healthy, sleeping a full 8 hours, totally not exerting myself, having either roobis tea (naturally contains no caffiene), or ONE cup of C02 decaf coffee/tea a day. No fudging, like last time. Anyway, thank you for reading and for remembering to ask about me (Glenna, Andrea). I care about you guys and have been faithfully reading, promise.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the update!!! Praying everything goes well and you have peace the upcoming weeks..

Samantha said...

I really appreciate getting the news, and I can understand the need to also step back and try to keep IVF in the background. I hope the lower key approach you are trying will work for you. It sounds like the cycle went so smoothly! I really hope you will get good numbers next week.

Best to you, we missed you.

andrea_jennine said...

So glad to hear how IVF#2 had gone to date! I completely understand the desire to hold back a little bit; I did that with our recent IUI, not broadcasting the beta date and such, trying to keep it a little more low key in my own life and take some of the pressure off.

Praying for the best possible results for you!

amy said...

I'm so glad you posted! I actually checked your blog earlier this week and thought "No posts since March 8" I wonder what is going on.
I'm keeping all my fingers crossed for you and saying a little prayer.

Amy
dancingwithinfertility.blogspot.com

amy said...

I'm so glad you posted! I actually checked your blog earlier this week and thought "No posts since March 8" I wonder what is going on.
I'm keeping all my fingers crossed for you and saying a little prayer.

Amy
dancingwithinfertility.blogspot.com

Katie said...

Wow! I had given up on you! Glad that I checked and glad to hear that all went well (for the most part) with your Secret Cycle.

I will keep checking back to see how it all turns out!

Elaine said...

I'm glad you're back! Wow, how exciting! Keeping my fingers crossed for sticky vibes!

JJ said...

Glad to see your post! Ive been thinking about you--and hoping for great beta numbers for you!

Alex & Jill said...

I'm so happy you're back. Sounds like we're on the same schedule. :) Can't wait to hear your news next week!

Searching said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Good to hear from you!!

The Baker's said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you,
I am glad that the ivf went decent for you.

CAM said...

Oh, I was so wondering what was happening with you!! I am glad it has gone ok so far. We are cylce buddies right now...I will be hoping for you and sending positive vibes your way.
:)

Maria said...

OMG, this is wonderful news!! I just had my transfer on May 7th!! We're 2ww buddies.

I'm hoping we both have all the luck in the world!!

Glenna Marshall said...

I'm SO glad to see an update!!! I just knew you were doing an IVF cycle behind our backs! ;) I will definitely be praying for you. Thanks for letting us know what's going on with you. Can't wait for your next update.
((hugs))

Adriane said...

I am behind and just saw this update. So glad to hear about your cycle. I had been wondering about you and hoping things were well.

I completely understand your choice to not blog during this cycle. Sometimes a mental break is necessary to just get through it.

Glad you are taking care of yourself!! Looking forward to reading your next update.

Kim said...

Wow! I was wondering where you went. You're doing everything that you possibly could and more. I'll be thinking of you.

Julie and Greg said...

i've been checking too for an update. we are both in the same boat this week! i too have tried to avoid talking about it too much. we transfered 3 frozen on May 2. In Ohio we paid $580 (for 3 embryos) for the first year and the a dollar a day after that. I can't believe how much you are paying to freeze! good luck and I will be thinking about you!

Chris said...

Welcome back! It was so good to hear from you. I had been wondering what you were up to. Glad to hear that this cycle went so well. I'll be holding a good thought for you as you continue to wait it out.

Deborah said...

Glad you're back. I understand the need not to broadcast what you're doing, but it's good to hear from you.

Also, I guess this means your hubby is home now, which is nice.

Good luck.

Deborah said...
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Deborah said...
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Kenya said...

OK We forgive you for not blogging, and truly can't wait to hear the results!!!

Carlo said...

Good Job! :)