Month 23 of TTC Starts

So wow, here is month 23. I'm ahead of some of you, and behind a good many too. But we're all in the exact same spot - a position we little dreamed we'd be in, praying and hoping desperately to be out of.

Anyway, can I say I love my doctor in San Antonio? I do. I got in touch with him on my worries about my rising FSH. I actually felt bad about calling, so I got his email. I emailed him and I think it was 45 seconds later he called me! I was actually scared to pick up the phone, because I guess I sensed deep down that if it really were a problem, they would have caught it and told me. He basically.... well, honestly he laughed at me. Which I didn't appreciate but it was ok. He did tell me levels will fluctuate (I insisted, "But mine are only fluctutating up!"), and that mine weren't moving enough to be concerned. That just because they moved 1.3 in 8 months wouldn't mean they'd do that the next 8 months. And then he says (as he looks at my file - he had me wait as he went and got it), "You're so young!" It made me laugh. I mean, I guess if I were 21 and married a few years and TTC for 2 years without success, I could at least understand him saying that. But I'm closer to 30 that I am 20. 26. That's more than halfway. Anyway, you may wonder why I like him so much when it doesn't sound like he took me serious. But I feel like he's always listened and has a good track record with me. Plus, WH has really good results on how good their doctors/residents, IVF success rates, etc are. The doctor did his residency at a very prestigous clinic for pete's sake! So, though I didn't appreciate that he didn't at least seem concerned, I do believe he has the medical knowledge and I don't. When I was all worried about the radiologists report on my HSG (which he & another RE disagreed with), they still let me do a hysteroscopy to make sure it was ok. So I feel they do listen when there's room for doubt.

Plus, we started talking about my next visit doing another Clomid/Gonal-f combined treatment just like last time. I asked about going straight to just Gonal-f and he explained reasons they'd want another combined cycle or 2. Then he went on to tell me that IF I did an only Gonal-f cycle, I should at least try do it in when the clinic is doing IVF because then there'd be a possibility of converting to an IVF if I had too many follicles, rather than just canceling me, since that IVF cycle would be only bumping me up one cycle. then he suggested since all my tests expire in August, I need to go ahead if I come in July/Aug to get them repeated when I'm already in town so that when my IVF time comes around, I'll have it all done. That probably saved me a whole trip to San Antonio! His forethought is so apprecaited! Anyway, he's really what's made me not hate WH. I definitely used to.

I did call Womack this Thursday to check on the referral, since my MTF just kept telling me they'd sent it and not to expect news this soon. Sure enough, Womack never received it! The nurse kindly told me to give my MTF the exact fax and try again, but that she'd talk to the doctor anyway about if/when I could do treatments there. I'd welcome a sooner IVF date or a few IUI's, it'd be much closer than WH. We could theoretically do one this month, if Womack said so. It's a 6 hour drive, or for J just a few hour flight (he'd fly himself). I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I'd LOVE an IUI this month. Plus I just love Gonal-f shots! It actually feels like I'm doing something helpful.

That's all my news. We'll see what this week holds in store. Because my brother visited here this weekend, I was too busy visiting, cooking, and being happy to even care that my cycle started. :)

5 DPO & No News

Just wanted to at least say I'm here and all. 5 DPO and not caring at all, in terms of looking for illusive "symptoms." I think they're a myth, honestly!

The incompetent Air Force referral system here is incredibly slow. Remember my referral request was submitted to my local MTF Tuesday 5/8. I called for a status every 2-3 days. I got what sounded like being pushed-off/lied to, since no one was really doing their jobs. ByMonday 5/14 I was told they were waiting for Womack's fax line, which I had but they didn't want from me. Finally by Friday 5/18 Womack actually got the referral. Unfortunately, the MTF to MTF referall lady I check in with at our base knows me by my voice and name without even looking at my chart. :( I think she's a bit annoyed, "No Mrs. Impatient, don't expect any news, I'll call you when there is." I just can't leave it, I'm the one this matters to, and too many people slack off or honestly get overwhelmed.

The waiting is hard, and yet not. I don't even know if we were accepted right away whether we could make any use of that. J starts training that 1st week of June and may not be able to take any days off for an IUI. The great thing is he has both his VFR and IFR pilot's licenses so he can fly himself up to Fayetteville and then fly himself back all in the same day (if necessary). I'm glad for the lack of pressure I feel personally in regard to TTC with medical help.

Besides, today is my birthday and I'm going to an oh-so-fancy-French restaurant with my dear husband. I shall indulge in at least one terrific martini. Cheers!!!

Referrals Take a While....

I didn't realize how long referrals from MTF to MTF actually took. After a few calls to WH I finally got someone and realized they don't do referrals. So I called my PCM (Primary Care Manager) and got them to put the referral in. Now, when I did this in Texas at Brooks, the referral was submitted 5/30 and accepted that same day. I guess I expected too much. :/ This one was started Tuesday, but got bounced everywhere, and here it's Monday and not yet submitted to Womack. I called and finally got someone and they told me they're waiting to get Womack's fax number to submit the referral. They told me it usually takes another week to review and accept me. I'm glad I started this so early out (in May on our non-medicate cycle), so that I'm not stressing about it being accepted by any particular time-frame. I really need to remember how much red tape there is everywhere and let my expectations down a bit.

Other than that, nothing else new to report. Interestingly enough, Mother's Day has never ever been hard for me. I've actually never related my desire for a child and infertility to Mother's Day. Mother's Day to me has been about my mother. I have a wonderful mother and want to bless and praise her on Mother's Day. So I never feel cheated. But I did get an email from a friend last night just telling me she was thinking and praying for me because she knows Mother's Day can be hard for people like me. This was incredibly sweet and caring, especially considering this is her 2nd Mother's Day without her mom, who she lost to cancer. Unbelievable she'd think of someone else's loss when her own must feel so great. So I cried because it hurts sometimes when you feel constantly overlooked and an outcast to your "friends" because they all conceive easily and you're the one who makes them uncomfortable because you remind them that life's not always picture perfect. And I cried for my selfishness since I have a mother and this sweet girl doesn't, yet I can be so upset over my infertility. Life's such a confusion. I will write her back today, but not yet. Not ready yet.....

Waiting for the Phone Call

I'm a little annoyed at WH for not returning my call yesterday. They only have an answering service, not a direct way to reach them. Supposedly if you leave a message before 1530 they'll call you that day. Whatever. All I want is the referral to Womack. If I don't hear anything by this afternoon, I'll just call my PCM here and see what they can do. I guess I just know they'll tell me I need an appointment, which just seems unnecessary. I've been TTC for 22 months, and had 8 months of failed infertility treatments (well, 5 total, the 8 includes the breaks). When I got my referral to WH, all the doctor did was ask a few questions. Anyway, I'm obviously not in a terrible hurry since this month is off (medically speaking), but the sooner things are on their way with Womack, the sooner I may get on their IVF list. I don't want to bug their nurse with asking how long the list is, until my referral actually has gone through. I know WH won't even talk to you if your referral isn't through.